Sunday, May 8, 2011

i'm too weird..

she says i'm too much in love with myself
that i can't seem to love anybody else
she keeps on talking about all of the good deeds she's done for me
but she keeps on forgetting one thing
i've already warned her from the start
change is only for those who want
this me,flesh and bone..nothing more
she's all too much and i'm too weird
should i be worried that i'm the villain in this comedy
the scenes keep on rolling by but i've run out of clever lines
standing in the background like an insignificant prop
and from here i can see thru you with killer eyes
bring out the knives; stab this black heart
burn me at the stake; rid me of this cursed life
free me of this bewilderment..
so that she might see the truth in the light

Saturday, May 7, 2011

into the halls of a scattered mind..

in this state of sleeplessness i dwell,just trying to pass the time by not minding anyting or anyone at all..here i am,once the structure of a boy teeming w/ zest to live and to experience..now reduced to nothing but a perfect example of failure and remorse,my decisions always the opposite of what i wanted.words come out like burning daggers instead of soothing tones,my actions are that of a 3 year-old…lost and bewildered in a world of astonishment and fear.

am i to blame for my state of confusion? whereas I myself have paved this road i tread w/ each and every painfully arrogant step.stumbling on a few rocks only to find that there are canyons and cliffs soon to fall into once you’ve summed up the courage to move on,no sense in trying to evade or stand still for it comes sooner than you think…the sun,both a harsh and a undeniable reminder of the importance of now.the moon and stars,forever lauging and mocking in all of those restless nights.the wind,sometimes a friend but most often a foe.sway does the gentle breeze yet the trees shake w/ the forcefullest of  gales..the water,so crystal-clear and pure…quenching the thirsts of any rambling fool young or old but also can drown out the good souls.and who will save me from the fires? is it of my own piety and endurance or will the merciful hands that made rescue me from my evil ways? can i just ask to be remolded and bent the other way?
questions that seem irrelevant are always most often the ones difficult to answer and situations that strike us down to the ground are bound to empower us with the strength,wisdom,and patience once we learn to overcome.

easier said than done!for as humans we will eventually be wrong and no matter how we try to forget or change the facts,there will always be someone who’s right…someone who’s better….and someone who’s suffering more than you can ever possibly imagine.like the great musician John Lennon once said in a song, "so,what have you done?"

here we are,bombarded w/ questions and yet come up w/ empty answers…i’m not trying to say that life sucks,although i’ve already heard myself screaming that out more than i could count in the highest buildings and the busiest of streets.i’ve silenced my heart,my spirit and my mind but still i arrive at the void that haunts me….won’t you take a step into my scattered mind?

always with the questions

Fragile are the threads of life, yet I seem to be weaving a reckless web. All I’ve accomplished is being an image of a hopeless case, always carefree and reckless. A Fool! I know that’s what I am, is it so wrong to yearn and wait for a better life or should I just continue with my pitiful tries? I walk the streets with open eyes and see the anguish my brothers seem to be trapped in. Minimum wage yet it’s the “global age”, no money for a decent meal or even a decent place to live in. It’s even harder when you got hungry kids roaming streets, ending up with an even hungrier stomach and a knife in one hand. I see my sisters standing on a dark corner, whose only companion is a cheap cigarette and a pocketful of dreams. Everyone seems to be finding an easy way out, even I. I look back into the past and ponder whose should be the blame. Parents who never cared; a government that has always fed us lies; a harrowing experience that left you feeling that God has turned his back on you; or simply because it just seemed to be a good idea at the time. Whatever your reason, I don’t care. To each man his own poison, everybody’s got their own cross to bear. But this is what I’m going to share to you, I may be a fool but at least I’m not masked like you. I admit I’m unclean and I have no right to tell you what to do. Let me just remind you that it doesn’t hurt to listen for a change.

Stars

Watching the stars from a distance makes you wonder what they really are; some things are not what they seem. A quiet lake may hold within an unfathomable depth, the calmness can be inviting and it helps when you know how to swim. Similar to the faces we see everyday walking around in haste as they carry out their concerns, they wear masks with smiling faces but in their eyes you can tell they harbor a deep pain inside. Words can be sugar-coated and misleading, yet in the delivery you would find a hint of helplessness, pretentious bravery or reactive sarcasm. There are but a chosen few who have stepped into the light and unraveled their true nature, but they mostly get scorned and mocked for being transparent when some use it as an excuse to act irrational. Be an antagonist or the protagonist, only the being within can tell. You can fool everybody but you can never fool yourself.
The stars still glisten like jewels covering the sky, complementing the moonlight. The silence pierces deep into the bowels of my conscience, to a higher level of awareness or a more blurred vision that I leave for the winds to decide. In our hands we mold our success and tragedies, in the words of my college physics professor; “Every action has an equal and opposite reaction.” Obviously fair and yet a bitter pill to swallow, the fingers can’t help but point and blame. Here come the far-fetched explanations, they leave us either enlightened or baffled. I prefer to listen and analyze first before blurting anything out though it rarely comes as intended. Usually misunderstood, I have grown accustomed to constantly repeating myself in ways that leave me amazed. Comprehension is as tricky as putting thread to a needle; seldom strokes of luck come to relieve me of the typical mind games. How the message was lost in transmission, that of which I cannot answer. I have spoken words that have fallen on deaf and uncaring ears; I have uttered phrases that shed some light into the darkness. Some chose to comment and argue, and some are left in a state of shock with the knowledge that I am also a creature of reason even if my appearance says otherwise. Dare you trust a rambling fool with baggy pants and no shirt than the opinions of they who dress to impress but carry words of no substance or usefulness?
Like a child I continue to gaze at the stars as they begin to take shape and form. Gracing the heavens with their unmatchable splendor, I stand in envy as they silently watch over our moments of rest. Free from man’s contagious habit of constant worrying, too far to even give out a helping hand. Forever beyond our reach, but never failing to shine even in the pitch-black night…

Tears

Each new morn dawns with a new hope of redemption, we twist and turn in accord with what the ever-changing flow of this life throws. Minding my own business I venture forth, like ships passing in the dead of the night. We walk with our heads down and our eyes gazed on the the paths we tread.
All it took for my world to crumble was a message from someone familiar, someone dear. The only person that gave real comfort and love has moved on to the great unknown.

The mighty and composed intellectual has now been cast into the unforgiving and jagged jaws of reality, lost was the composure; lost was the priorities; lost was the promises made; lost and searching for meaning and comfort yet again.
I have lost my zest for life and my inspiration to succeed. I now live for my brothers and sisters. I live not for myself but for the smile I wish to hold again

Farmer John

Getting older by the minute, dare I ask what have we become? If it is such of a pain to be forgotten, then why do we find it so easy to ignore the harsh realities that comes out blaring like the sound of horns in a heavy fog. What mystery lies yonder the opposite direction? I do not wish to imply that I know but would you agree to defy your norms just to know the unknown?

Taught what to say and what these words mean, can you say that you truly extract the essence from a message spun from a swindler’s sticky web and a thespians picture perfect smile. Bewitched by the motion of a virgin’s hips and the left dumbfounded by the dancing candlelights; the words may poorly portray the image of this confusion I paint. But at least now, the question has formed a shape..

Buendia Avenue

“Hey man,can you spare some lose change?” said the beggar standing on the corner as I pass by. As with courtesy, I turn to say “I don’t.”. To my surprise, I saw thru his greased face and tired eyes someone strangely very familiar to me. “Don’t I know you from somewhere?”,I asked. But instead of words, his reply to me were wide open eyes and a quick escape.

I grabbed his arm just as he was about to flee, I immediately demanded an answer from him. Struggling like a mouse in panic, my strength sadly was more than his and yet he still tries to break free as I stand failing to understand his actions toward me. I don’t remember loaning out huge amounts of money or a guy trying to hit on my chic. Yet he seemed so scared and bewildered as if he was really guilty of an evil deed by then a crowd was starting to gather around. 

Bystanders asking each other “What’s going on here?”. The man then started screaming for sympathy to turn the tables on me. I felt the temperature suddenly rise as the bystanders started encircling around me, in my defense I announced that this was only an inquiry as he was behaving strangely. The crowd quickly turned into an enraged mob all because they didn’t know what had happened. Saved by tears from the sky, the rain came down hard and forced the bystanders to run for cover; leaving me the beggar with his arm still clutched in my hand. And was the water cleansed these dirty streets, it also came to reveal that the dirty beggar was actually me…

The Scientist

Science has greatly improved life on plant Earth in the last century and half. Technological advancements has now allowed tools, gadgets, and cures that our forefathers would almost instantly call mystical or miraculous; Plus, it has made our curious world and the things that live on it be classified or ranked thus eliminating the horrible ignorance that used to infect and feed our insatiable curiosity. A kindergartner can now tell you how rainbows are made,  and that the Sun is only a star as same as all the tiny twinkle lights that glimmer in the night sky. 

Anyone can tell you that earthquakes are caused the plates of the Earth moving beneath our feet and that the rain cannot be caused by dancing and chanting around like idiots. Knowledge has now become the ultimate power; the more you know, the more you can manipulate. The lesser the aware, the better the welfare of the general populous. Now arises the dilemma wherein many prefer not to share this prized possession and many fallen in it’s audacious pursuit to be used in the greater good or abused by them who crave of the prestige it is associated with. What was once the cause of our very existence has now evolved into it’s greatest threat. Even the concept of a higher being presiding over us has been redundantly desecrated, only left to those who would want to believe. What most of us are left with is the consciousness that we may be alone in this immense space that enclose us..

And yet, infinite variables still elude our rationality and still resort the the simplicity of not even wanting to discover what lies inside it’s intimidating packaging. Emotions, one or if not  the most unexplained, reside in deepest recesses of inquiries and commonly cause a hunger for it control. If we could all put leashes on how our flesh will take particular situations and use the end result as the perfect leverage, then this world would still end up in ruins as the innocence that protect us die. Destroyed by our own two hands…